Quoth the Raven

People have been subtly hinting that I have neglected my journal for the past year. 'Tis true. With the submission of the PhD (I always love the vaguely authoritarian connotations of academic language - you 'submit' a PhD, you 'invigilate' an exam, you 'supervise' your students and 'report' on their progress) and moving interstate I have let the LJ slide. Well I seem to have gotten the writing bug back so am going to 'try' and keep this up to date again in the moments in which facebook is not monopolising my online presence.

So i'm on my last day of leave before returning to a few weeks of intensive orientation for our new international students. I took a few days leave to do the corrections to my PhD that I should have done months ago. They are nearly done. Hopefully my supervisor will just pass them on without suggesting I do more. I really don't want to have to muster up another bout of energy for what seems to me now an exhausted project. Maybe in a few years it will be interesting again but for now It's just old news.

So with Tomb Raider on the box and a packet of salt and vinegar chips to hand it's once more into the breach...

I am eating what a co-worker calls a "truck stop" vege burger. It is cheap, tasty, reasonably healthy and only takes a minute to appear after ordering. It is, quite possibly, the best food object ever. This morning I supervised a quantum mechanics exam, I spent over two hours in a freezing room vaguely anxious that they were going to open some kind of portal into an alternate universe. The building is also famous for its mutant fruit fly breeding program so all in all I'd walked straight into an episode of the X-Files. Now that's it all over I'm vaguely anxious that this IS the alternate universe, but I think that's a standard near-completion-of-PhD thing. I have just under an hour before the next exam starts. If it's on genetic engineering I'm walking straight out again.

Last night signalled the end of an era. My cat Monier, who had recently celebrated her 18th birthday in style (there was a party with many well-wishers, presents, prawns and cake), passed away yesterday evening. Her little kidneys eventually failed. It's sad of course but my parents and I are also somewhat relieved, since it was one of our greatest fears that she would wander off one day and just not return. This way everyone is at peace.

Naturally she spent her last few days making mischief. Mum and dad's house flooded on the weekend (some kind of washing machine malfunction) and pretty much the whole floor was under 3 inches of water. Instead of remaining outside like a sensible beastie, Monier proceeded to paddle through the house, stopping her kitty-paddle every so often to drink the water she was swimming in. Eventually, soaking wet, she went to sleep on a matress while the bewildered tradesmen were trying to shift it.

That's my girl. Sleep well kitty.

Just finished teaching my last class for the semester. I'm always nervous about them going off into exams, worrying if I have taught them enough but my main goal is to get them to actually expand their reading horizons and have a go at reading and thinking about things they may not normally. This is always something of a qualified success with students coming up to me and saying how the course/particular book really inspired them and others always whining that the texts are boring or hard to read. It takes all sorts, but I'm always happy to pass the book-love on to any and all who are willing! So now I'm locked to my thesis - druging through until the next semester when (God willing) I will be able to teach Great Books 2 and the writing subject again and finally submit my Phd!

Thesis is coming along. There seems so much to do, but considering what I've actually done in the past two months the end is nigh-ish. I need to make a list to calm my soul after meeting with the guru who always manages to encourage and stress me out at the same time:

Introduction - done

Theory Chapter
- add some stuff on late century progressive liberalism
- tidy up section on the connections between the occult and science
- make argument about binaries more clear

Literary History Chapter
- explain my theories of occult 'sites' (domestic, city, rural) why they're chosen and how they differ in relation to argument about progressivism and professionalism

Haunted Houses Chapter
- tidy up analysis of the three texts and link clearly to argument

Occult London Chapter
- flesh out
- clarify argument (include Hieroglyphics)
- explain category of the professioanl amateur

Evil Fairies chapter
- conncetions between my analysis and the anxiety theory
- Reconcile The Red Hand being in the rural category
- highlight notions of progressiveness

Occult Researchers chapter
- insert notion of the binaries and highlight argument

Psychic Doctors Chapter
- Tidy up and ensure argument about progress is clear

Conclusion
- all of it!

Ok, this is do-able. (yes I am talking to myself... hello pretty purple giraffe..)

maybe it's almost home time...

I have a migraine. I also have a 2 hour class on Conrad to teach at midday and a chapter on Machen's Evil Fairies to finish before 2:30. To survive this I need:

drugs
eye-drops
drugs
chocolate
drugs
another person in this shared office so I don't go to sleep
drugs
water
drugs
maybe coffee
drugs

It's 8am. Here goes.

Happy 28th birthday my Marquis!

You got a letter from the government today,
opened it, read it, said they were suckers
said they wanted you for the jury or whatever
picture you givin' a damn, you said... ok sure.

Well Tricky didn't exactly write his lyrics for Australian circumstances!

I'm most put out since I've always wanted to do jury duty and haven't been called yet. Figures. I'd love to fill in the form and put down my occupation as 'studies monsters', either that or 'literary psychic detective'. Gee I wonder why I never get called.....

I am taking a brief moment to breathe. This morning I gave 4 chapters of my thesis to the guru but I still have so much to do. I have been staying up late at night (well late for me - about 11pm) to get stuff done because with teaching and admin stuff the days get so messed up. Also I procrastinated on the weekend colouring my hair (now a vary dark browny black with stripey bits), watching movies and eating too much chocolate, so now have a major attack of thesis guilt. I think I now own shares in the company that makes 'V'. 'V' is my friend.

One of the most fun procrastination activities of the weekend was that the Marquis and I started brewing our own beer. We both wanted chemistry sets growing up and never got them so this is our chance, brew ha ha (bad pun, sorry, limited sleep.)The homebrew kit is an early birthday present for the Marquis. One of the most fun parts though was that we decided that we should try and get bottles to fill by drinking our way through a carton of tallies. We both got very silly. Much fun was had!

This weekend we are off to Bundaberg for a family friend's 60th but will be home in time for the public holiday that the nation has kindly scheduled for my birthday on Monday. I still have no idea what I want to do on Monday, but I think that eating chocolate and playing with the playstation (I recently got 3 new games!) will figure significantly. I am but a simple creature with simple pleasures.

Today is my last day at the Cow Campus this semester. I'm excited about getting Fridays back as a writing day; I need all the thesis time I can get! This morning's seminar on exam preparation was a bust. As my cleverly cynical cousin pointed out on the phone last night, running an exam prep class in April is just silly. The people who really need to start studying for their exams two months in advance are exactly the ones who would never turn up to an advance workshop. She was, of course, correct. One lone mature aged student arrived to take part, and she was pretty much on top of things, just the usual anxiety driven questions. Now my job is to help students and I am happy to do so, but as my boss and I discussed afterwards, in economic terms the whole procedure is illogical. I get paid for 8 hours per day once a week to come in, prepare seminars, deliver them and then take individual appointments in the afternoons. Since the attendance is so small, these students could easily be helped in the individual 20 minute sessions instead of preparing powerpoints, handouts etc for no-one. It is just a waste of resources. But, that's the education sector I guess.

Lunch consisted of cold potato gems. This campus used to have fantastic fresh food- now it is all pseudo-take-away. Ick. Oh and I had to pay 80cents for a plastic fork.

I really should go and finish my marking. As I write this my brain already begins to rebell. Must. Mark. Papers. Must... Must... look up pictures of ferrets on google....NO!!!! This is going to be a long day...

Today Miss Muppet gave me a muppet to post to France. It is possibly larger than the nursery which is its destination. My little nephew or neice is going to be waking up to a giant swedish man waving a squishy meat cleaver. On the other hand our contribution was a purple dinosaur and an offer of state-of-the-are baby bicycles so I'm not sure we are exactly 'helping' either! I am so excited though, this kid is going to be so spoiled. As an only child who probably won't have kids herself I am fully embracing the role of eccentric aunt. Besides 'the brioche' as the bub-to-be has been affectionately dubbed, is in all likelihood going to sound like a petit mium add and what could be cuter than that?

Right. It's Friday. I like Fridays. I go to the bovine palace, teach a seminar, see some students then head off to mum and dads for drinks and nibblies - and I spend all day knowing that the weekend (and thus lots of time doing nothing while snuggling the Marquis) is nigh. Today, however, sucks. I got up early and raced to the local shops so i could withdraw some money to pay for busses and lunch - only to find I had not been paid. Again. Obviously someone hasn't filed the necessary paperwork so I will have no money for another two weeks. So far I have taught half a semester without being paid a cent, and yes, I am annoyed by this, and the fact that I now need to spend time chasing up what has gone wrong where. In a university environment where forms and red tape are a staple diet, this could take some time. Then on my bus ride from the city I had one of those grumpy drivers who refused to stop at the campus because no-one pressed the bell. While technically correct it was kinda obvious that a bus load of students were trying to disembark. So naturally by the time I found my way back to the stop I wanted I had missed my connecting bus and had to wait another hour for the next one (busses to visit the cows aren't too regular) - so of course I was late for work but thankfully it doesn't really matter coz I can arrange my own hours and didn't have an appointment until 10am. I have now finished taking a seminar on academic essay writing to which one lone student bothered to turn up. Giving a seminar to one person is ridiculous so we just chatted and I answered her questions, making all previous preparation a waste of time. Mrs Guru came in to invite me to lunch only to realise that because she made out the appointment times incorrectly last week I am now seeing students from 12:30 and am unable to leave the office. I now intend to take a deep breath and go eat a chilli breadroll - the way my day is going though, i just hope I don't choke on it!

Today I realised just how many things you will never know about a job until you are actually doing it. No wonder it is so difficult for young people to choose a career. In my usual obsessive way I started to compile a mental list of things I never realised about being an academic:

1. You will be responsible for the destruction of amazonian rainforests and you will learn to live with this fact (paper makes our world go around - unfortunate but true).

2. You will spend so much time photocopying that you will start to believe the world is slightly tinged fluroescent green.

3. You will read books you don't particularly like over and over again, and books you have always wanted to read will sit accusingly on the shelf for years, perhaps decades.

4. You will learn to be one of those people who remembers names and dates. Thus you will become one of those people always recruited in arguments over trivia.

5. You will know more about men who have been dead for centuries than you do about your own family and you will talk about them as if you frequently have them over for tea.

6. You will become rather irritating to watch films with and will have to try very hard not to pause and provide backstory.

7. You will not be able to leave the house, for whatever reason without a pen, paper and probably a novel.

8. You will never be able to read anything ever again without a pen and paper by your side.

9. You will name your pets/children after obscure literary characters

10. You will have to learn to eat at odd times in between tutorials and even then will probably forget.

Yay! Work day is nearly over! Training session went well, they usually do, but it's the individual appointments that test my calm. Here are a list of Dos and Don'ts for my potential students:

Do turn up at your appointment time.
Don't turn up 15 mins late for your 20min appointment and get stroppy at me coz i can only see you for 5mins.

Do bring a copy of your assignment question
Don't assume I am a mind reader who knows exactly what first year nursing students read these days.

Do actually try and do something before you come see me
Don't come with a blank look and say "I was told you could help me with my assignment".

Do remember that you have tutors to answer questions like "what does it mean when a patient has ragged breathing? what terms should look up to find out?"
I am not a nurse. I'm not even a doctor yet. And even when I am, the causes I know for ragged breathing probably aren't going to apply to this poor guy in hospital!

and lastly: please don't confuse your mate/dog/mother/mechanic for a grammar expert. 'But XXX told me it was really good' doesn't alter the fact that I can't understand what you are trying to say and that your marker won't even bother to try.

ok. I feel better. Off to be trivial with Miss Muppet. YAY! YAY!

Ok, I'm ready for the week to be over now. Larp has definitely eaten my brain this week.

This is not to say it hasn't been productive: I had a great meeting with my supervisor on Tuesday, lots of new ideas of how to tie chapters together spinning around in my head; I've also got some good developments underway for my chapter on haunted houses - it's much more complex and interesting than before. I've finished teaching Homer and have thus had my head stuck in the Book of Genesis most of the week trying to puzzle out what will interest them and what aspects to contextualise (there's a lot of sex, that should draw 'em in!). But it has left me feeling rather drained, and since most of my activity has been of the thinking and reading variety, I'm feeling behind on my writing. Grrrr.

Wednesday was an utter disaster. Headache, work internet buggered, had a course auditor that I actually wasn't supposed to, then took the wrong bus and ended up stranded half-way to Inala with no mobile phone (and thus no phone numbers). Eventually found a knight in shining taxi to take me home.

So now i'm sitting in my shoebox on the cow campus waiting to give a presentation on critical thinking when I strongly suspect even the most basic forms of analysis are a bit beyond me at the moment. I don't even want to think about my one-on-one appointments this afternoon! I have something to look forward to though: it looks like Miss Muppet and I will be going to a trivia night tonight - always good for laughs (and I've been promised cheap drinks). Only 9 hours to go ....

Hi.

I am alive.

I am well.

I have not been abducted by aliens.

I have not run off in search of giant ferrets - but the urge remains.

I am progressing well with the aim of submitting my thesis by August.

I am working on it every day as well as teaching first year literature and running seminars for learning services on a remote campus in close proximity to bovines.

The Marquis has not locked me in the attic or in the cupboard under the stairs so I must still be sane.

I have been watching movies. I liked Final Cut, Misery, Ravenous, the newish Jekyll and Hyde and An Inconvenient Truth. Pan's Labyrinth rocked my cinematic world.

I can't wait until 300 is released here.

I miss swordfighting and hope to return next month once I am finally paid.

That's all.

Today is my first day back at work after the fun and frivolity of the Perth conference experience. I eased myself back into thesis mode by reading at home yesterday, but being in the office is much more stimulating. For instance in doing an interlibrary search I came across a book entitled: Psychological Readings for the Dental Professions. I was tempted to order it just to see what it contained. Advice for the saliva phobic practitioner? How to treat toddler bites in three easy steps? What to do when you start dreaming of teeth chasing you around the big comfy chair? I guess every profession must have its esoteric text!

I also realised that i'd been missing the ususal odd conversations with my colleagues. Observe the following (typical!) exchange from today:

Philosopher: I think the higher up you are the more conducive it is to serious thought
Film Theorist and myself in unison: Quick, let's get as close to the ground as we can.
Film Theorist: I'm shorter than you so I'm ok
Philosopher: I'd be happy to sit in a cave and read Plato
Film Theorist: I'd be happy to sit in a cave and read Playboy
Me: I'd be happy to sit in a cave and play

And that is why Literature theorists will always be more sane than other academics - we know that books are really just toys.

Off to the pub in an hour for a 'ideas' session. Did I mention I love my work?

Tonight is our last night in Perth. The conference was good as usual. It's always great to catch up with people I haven't seen for a year or so who have read the same books! Perth itself has been fun to explore. We've visited the quokkas at Rottnest Island (so very cute!), been swimming in the Indian Ocean at Cottesloe Beach (nice water, pity about the sandblasting!), strolled along Matilda Bay, explored Freemantle, watched gold bars being made at the mint, eaten at lots of nice little places, and caught up with our army mate who is currently stationed here. While I was conferencing he took the Marquis sailing. They won the race so are very pleased with themselves. I've gathered up my energy and am eager to return home and finish writing my PhD. Oh and unpack everything in the new house - well you can't win 'em all! I can't wait to see my fishies and catch up on the episodes of Supernatural and House mum has been taping for us. So time to put on my ruby slippers...

So far today my cousin has sent me a photo of muppets helping her write her thesis, my office buddy is hearing electronic voice phenomena, and the headlines in my inbox read: 'Californian woman fights off lion with a pen' and 'Python eats 11 guard dogs'. It's not yet 9am. Oh dear.

I need a replacement long weekend as I spent this one moving house. Everything has been shifted and now the wonderous and thrilling cleaning of the previous place can begin. I can barely contain my excitement. Yawn. I love the new place though, the colour scheme is green which is so much more pleasant than the white and cream overload of the last two places. I also like having stairs (maybe because I wasn't the one responsible for carrying heavy things up them!) and being woken up by lizards and birds rather than construction workers. We plan to leave most of the unpacking until we get back from Perth but we now have an office each, which will be great once it's set up. I'm also assessing the back yard for throwing weapon potential - I think we might be able to hang a large wooden board on the fence so i can throw things at it. Yay!! Apparently I have to learn how to interact with a new beast referred to as a clothes line, hopefully it doesn't bite.

I have alwyas had a taste for the weird and unusual. I used to buy the UK magazine 'The Fortean Times' whenever I could get a hold of it, but being imported it was both expensive and difficult to find. But no more! Now, thanks to the marvel of the internet I have 'The Fortean Times' lead stories delivered to my account every morning. What better way to start the day than with two-headed pigs, Cold-War experiments, Mongolian killer worms, strange fossils and so much more!

Now, if only I could get a research position with the Department of Cryptozoology at the University of Exeter...

On infinitely weirder news, last night I dreamed that Paris Hilton came over for afternoon tea to discuss a Spanish painter called Ye'mell (to the best of my knowledge no such painter exists). To my astonishment she exhibited the hallmarks of a classical education but a lack of experience in applying her knowledge. I actually told my father this after she finished her tea cake and left.

Perhaps I should book myself in somewhere suitably padded...